Concerning Ogres

Excerpt from that most renowned tome, Bestiary of the Blue Wood, or, Magical Beasts of our past and present as they live by Allister Summers

Concerning Ogres

Woe to the traveler that encounters an Ogre, they are a beast most fowl in almost every way. They range anywhere around three meters in height and in every recorded encounter, are hairless and weigh enormously. Their appearance is frighteningly human in resemblance, with only the occasional tusk-like tooth or fang as the exception.

Ogres possess a high level of intelligence in that they can speak our tongue and most mysteriously, seem to have an almost complete understanding of our customs and traditions. I say ‘most mysteriously’, because when was the last time you saw a nine-foot-tall Ogre attending an Autumn Festival.

For the purposes of my research, a member of the Order of the Broken Briar by the name Arthur led me to an Ogre ‘Den’. In the midst of a summer deluge, we found the entrance to a musty cave on the edge of the Blue Wood. To my surprise Arthur announced our presence loudly upon entering the cave, as if greeting old colleagues. Through flickering firelight two enormous figures rose, laughing at our approach.

As I mentioned previously, the Ogres were almost completely human in appearance. They wore gilded jewelry, some made for a regular sized human and thus ill-fitting while others were perfectly crafted for figures of their size. They also wore clothing reflecting the fashion of our day with striped motley.

I make special note of their attire as I once again ask, how do these rare beings who live on the fringes of our civilization have jewelry and clothing the same as a well to do merchant? It boggles the mind.

The den was a spacious cave containing their many treasures. Some of these were dear to only Ogre kind, such as a small pile of what I can only assume were human bones meticulously arranged into a sort of altar, while others were golden relics and jeweled swords, raided from a poor traveling merchant no doubt. I was warned by my guide Arthur to leave all golden or silver trinkets behind as I would likely not make it out of the cave alive should I wear them.

Our hosts names were Rumpkin and Bagger. Rumpkin was unquestionably the dominate of the two and did most of the talking. I informed them that I was conducting research and wished to know as much about their kind as they would share. I could tell by my companion’s reaction that this was a foolish approach. However, I quickly learned next perhaps the most important trait of Ogres, they are obsessed with gambling. By asking for answers, I had offered up what I’d like them to wager and in return they asked that I wager a pound of my flesh. I was assured it would be removed with the utmost care so as to not mortally wound me and so I agreed. Rumpkin produced as set of dice with grim pleasure and the game was set.

Now, as luck would have it, my younger years were spent almost exclusively in Borrowtown’s Dice Houses. Those days carry with them great shame, but in that moment I was grateful for the skill they provided. The game was Three Chariots, an old favorite of mine, and one that Rumpkin seemed to be supremely confident in. With dice fashioned from human bone we played four sets, I won them all.

The Ogres surprisingly honored our wager and I was permitted to ask questions as they got back to basting their charred deer on a spit. I asked at a ferocious pace and the Ogre’s answered what they wished until they’d had enough, declaring that I either ‘hop out of the cave or hop onto their spit’. My findings are as such:

- Ogre’s do not live in communities but stick to pairs, known as ‘acuppa mates’. If more than two Ogres come into contact one will be butchered and cooked in short order. No reason was given.

- There are no female Ogres, or male ones for that matter, just Ogres. While Ogres are male in appearance, by human standards, they are in fact genderless and asexual. How, then, do they reproduce? Well…

- My prior research claims Ogres are the product of cursed children, born to homes that have offended the nameless gods of old. Others state Ogres are pulled from the very ground, rummaged out of the mud and raised by childless boars. Rumpkin was very direct, ‘You wants another Ogre, then you shiv one of us nice and deep, till we stop breathing. Once all them guts start settling in the dirt, another will come crawling out of the muck’. I cannot verify this claim.

- Ogres will eat almost anything, raw or cooked. Their hunger knows no satiating and humans, I’m afraid to say, are a particular favorite.

- While we may not see them, Ogres live deep with in human territory. They, much like Trolls, know the ancient cave ways and old growth forests, allowing them to cross huge distances without sight of towns or people.

- They do not recognize any gods other than an ancient being known as Tuggatha. Tuggatha is depicted as a boar-headed Ogre, tusked and gargantuan. More research is needed to find its origins.

It was at this point the Ogres had had enough and my guide began to give me silent gestures to the cave's entrance. As we began to make our farewells the Ogres demeanor changed, insisting we stay a bit longer and join them for supper. My guide was ready, and produced from his pack a dead toad that looked to weight at least 20 pounds. The Red Honeysuckle Toad is apparently an Ogre delicacy and so without hesitation Rumpkin and Bagger began thrashing one another to get to the dead amphibian as Arthur and I made a swift escape.

Final Thoughts on Ogres

Though Ogres speak, respond and appear to have feelings and opinions, I can’t help but notice a vacancy behind their eyes, a void. It’s as if they are but a horrible mimic of human’s true nature. They dress and carry themselves like us, but I found nothing but hunger and deceit.